Gundam Seed  AfterPhase: Binary Star System
by IsolatedSystem
Summary: An exploration of the thoughts and emotions of Athrun Zala and Kira Yamato as they try to come to terms with each other, and with their place in the new world. Bridge between Seed and Destiny. First attempt, please R
1. Chapter 1

_Gundam Seed_

**After-Phase: Binary Star System**

Sleep. It was a pleasure that had forsaken him of late. Emerald eyes closed, only to be lit by the fire and flames – scenes of battles past that still racked every sense as though he were sitting, right there, in the cockpit of Justice, or crouched behind cover under a hail of gunfire. Then he'd wake up, and of course it had all been a dream. The room was dark, and only the sound of light rain on the window, perhaps a faint breeze in the trees, his own heavy breathing, disturbed the otherwise total silence. Well, not total silence; not space silence, but still, silence. Space had never been a quiet place for Athrun, anyway.

He stood and dressed – something casual probably, not that he was paying particular attention.

"plenty of time to sleep when you're dead" he whispered to himself, bitterly, and regretted the words as soon as he'd uttered them. As if thoughts of Nicol, his father, his mother, hadn't plagued his mind enough of late. He shook his head. Best to keep moving, there was solace in movement. He grabbed a coat as he made for the door, vaguely recollecting the chill of a November night on Earth from his childhood days, all those years ago. Had it really been that long since he'd experienced Earth's late autumn? And was it right to refer to them as childhood days? He was still only seventeen, after all...but then, he had experience far beyond his years...focus, Athrun, focus.

He found himself blinking in the light as he opened the door, for it seemed that someone had left the hall light on. Well that was bound to do wonders for the energy bill, which had seen not inconsiderable rises as Orb went about its post-war recovery. It didn't matter personally, Athrun wasn't paying, nevertheless there was a sense of dereliction of duty to the nation that had provided them shelter for the past few weeks. There we go again; 'dereliction of duty' – he really was a military man...boy...lad...guy... rather grand shelter it was too, they had Cagalli to thank for that. Her social position certainly did have some considerable perks. Whether or not she truly appreciated or enjoyed them was another matter. Still, he could have done worse. He allowed himself the luxury of a small smile as that thought, and the somewhat frightening image of what he imagined Cagalli's reaction to be were she to hear such talk, flashed across his mind. Perhaps Kira's newfound fondness of goading her temper was already rubbing off on him. He smiled again; one of the smaller things he was still trying to get used to. There had been precious few moments for smiling or laughter over the past year or so...truth be told, that hadn't changed much. Perhaps it would take time, but for all the warmth he was finding in his relationship with the fiery blonde, and in rediscovering and rebuilding the bonds he and Kira had always shared, there was always...everything else. There was always history. There was the future, too, and that worried him. What would come next? What was there for him now the war seemed to be over; there were no orders, no commands, no objectives, no planets to save – what direction should he take? How long would peace last... Best not to think about it now, as he so often had to tell himself. He sighed. The smile hadn't lasted long.

He flicked the light out as he made his way down the corridor. One of the many benefits of having had money spent on your creation – very efficient eyesight. It took a couple of seconds to readjust to the comparative darkness, but soon, he could just about see again. The darkness was more comfortable in any case.

There were two doors on his way to the stairs. The first, to the room Cagalli had chosen, was slightly ajar, and Athrun couldn't help but put his head in, just to check...she was fine. Of course she was fine. Sleeping like a log, and how he envied her for that. Quite why she'd chosen to sleep in that room, as oppose to the somewhat grandiose room that had been set aside for her, he didn't know. Perhaps it was quite simply because her room was grandiose. Perhaps it was because she wanted to be nearer to the two people she could relate to, though of course, sharing his room was out of the question. That would not be...proper. There was an appeal there as much to his own sense of dignity as there was to the demands and expectations of Cagalli's position in society. And so, she had the room between his and Kira's. Was there something there too, perhaps? The strange nature of their relationship had certainly come as a shock, and had come at the wrong time to really be dealt with properly; a battle to be fought, on top of the natural desire to shy away from confronting such a potentially complicated and impacting revelation head on. Athrun still had a hard time picturing them as brother and sister, truth be told, though as he learnt more about Cagalli, he could see some resemblance to elements of Kira's own personality. Perhaps his own difficulty at coming to terms with it was because the Kira he knew from childhood...the Kira he knew like the back of his hand, from childhood...was...different.

Athrun quietly shut the door to Cagalli's room and continued down the corridor, thinking on the move.

It wasn't so much that Kira had changed. Everything Athrun knew and loved of his closest friend of old was still there, but...it had been built on. There was so much more to him now – developments which Athrun had not been around to adapt to, to grow with and to learn, and some which he himself had caused. He'd grown up, yes, and there was...baggage. He'd learnt as much about Kira over the past few weeks as he had about Cagalli. There was still distrust, that could not be denied. So much had come between them during the Bloody Valentine War; it was unreasonable and unrealistic to expect that peace between the Earth forces and ZAFT would bring instant peace between Athrun and Kira, Kira and Athrun. Yet, as time would tell soon enough, their bridges were far easier to forge, and there was the strongest of desires to cross them. So, whilst they were still often awkward around each other, often avoiding direct eye contact, often tense in their interactions...they did seem to be healing. And of course, as the trust grew, so did their willingness to really 'speak' to each other, rather than simply talking. Neither would admit it; neither were sure of it, nor sure of how the other felt, but both sorely missed and deeply wanted back the ear of the other, which had been party to the deepest secrets, the most sincere of thoughts and feelings, back when they were young.

It would certainly have helped to clear Athrun's head a bit. He paused outside the door to Kira's room, unsure of whether to look in, as he had Cagalli's. Perhaps he would have moved on, had he not heard the faint sounds of mumbling from the other side, and the distinct sound of a disagreement between man and mattress.

"Kira?" Athrun whispered, opening the door a crack and peering into the darkness. Once again, it took a few seconds for his eyes to adjust to the light, but when he found that he could see, and looked in, he saw...nothing too out of the ordinary. Kira looked to be sound asleep. But then...a glass on the floor, its contents gradually seeping into the carpet. After a moment of hesitation Athrun tiptoed in, keeping as quiet as he could for fear of waking the room's occupant, kneeling, and picking up the glass. He cast his eyes around the room, emerald glinting briefly as it caught the light of a moonbeam through a crack in the curtains, looking for...something. It was probably only water – was there anything to soak it up? Nothing, at first glance, just a discarded sock some way across the floor. Well, it'd have to be left, then. Athrun stood and was about to leave, but then there it was again! That mumble...it sounded distinctly like "Athrun". Its namesake stood, rooted to the spot. Was Kira awake? No, he wasn't, his eyes were tight shut; very tightly shut as it happened, a pronounced frown and sweat on the brow combining to give something of a distressed look. Athrun continued to stand still, wondering what he should do. Was Kira having a nightmare? His question was answered as his friend turned over, and then turned again, and again; fists clenched, a leg kicked out.

"A-Athrun...No I won't...Athrun...Flay! I can't..."

"Kira..." Athrun instinctively moved closer, but had to hold back to avoid catching a flailing arm. He waited until Kira was still again, lying on his back and trembling a little, to continue his approach. The bed sheets had been lost in the commotion, and Athrun bent to pick them from the floor before sitting on the edge of the bed, unsure of how to continue. He didn't want to wake Kira up, in case he had finally managed to leave his nightmare behind. On the other hand, if he hadn't, then waking him up would be the kind thing to do. He decided to leave him be...but he couldn't leave, not yet; not until he was sure Kira was going to be ok. He stood, straightened the bed sheets, and placed them gently over Kira's still tense frame before retreating to a chair in the corner of the room, and taking a seat.

It could only have been a few minutes later when Athrun found himself being awoken from the light slumber he had fallen into by a bright "Torriiii" from the curtain rail above him. He shook the sleep from his head as the robotic bird alighted on the arm of his chair, giving him that customary, quizzical look. He really must be tired, dropping off so quickly, but it was sods law that the first time he'd managed to fall asleep without being interrupted by nightmares of his own would also be the time when he'd be woken up by a robot bird.

"well...tonight's not really going as planned" Athrun whispered to the metal creature, patting it affectionately on the head. He really did love this bird. A right bugger to make, but...he'd had to. He vividly remembered the fear he'd felt, even at that age, or perhaps because he had been that age, upon leaving earth for the Plants, that Kira would...forget him. What better way to have your closest friend remember you than pull out all the stops, stretch the boundaries of your knowledge of mechanics, and build him a green, flying, robotic bird. A stroke of genius, really. Of course, as Kira told him at the time, and would remind him now if only the conversation were to come up; he didn't need Torii to remember Athrun by. Nevertheless, the comfort of the company the bird had provided had been invaluable, as had been the reminder served by its presence of just who it was Kira was fighting. Not an enemy, not a stranger; his friend. The moment at the gate where Kira, in pursuit of the runaway bird, came face to face with an undercover Athrun, symbolised the bond that they still shared. Torii, the mechanical bird, possessed the gift of clarity to which human eyes and human minds, so often entangled in the petty detail, have never been privileged. It saw no difference between the two boys, and loved – if indeed it is possible for a machine to feel love – both in equal measure. The conflict that existed between the two was nonexistent in the eyes of the bird and it was only now beginning to dawn in Athrun's mind just what that moment really meant, for of course he remembered it clearly. That poignant reminder of where they had come from, of the history they shared, as he stood with the bird he made, giving it to the friend for whom he had made it; the only real difference was the fence that kept them apart.

...and Athrun had been planning to go for a walk, to keep moving, so as to stop his mind wondering like that. As it was he had failed, and found himself breathing deeply, fighting to regain control as the emotion he had been bottling for far too long threatened to take control of him. He closed his eyes briefly, sniffed, and steadied himself. One day he would have to let go, he knew that, but...not today. Torii remained on the arm of the chair as Athrun stood to leave. He tried to avoid looking at the sleeping figure of Kira as he left, for fear of providing another emotional trigger...but of course, fate wouldn't allow that to happen, would it. He was almost at the door when Kira began to move again, a quiet moan escaping him. Athrun stopped, dead, hoping that this would be a short episode, whilst resigning himself to the knowledge that this was probably not going to be the case, and that if Kira were to become distressed again, he'd not have the heart to leave him and pretend he hadn't known. He walked back and calmly sat on the bed, looking from the floor, to Kira's unhappy face, to the floor, and back again.

"no...N-no Athrun, please, don't..."

Of course, that made Athrun's blood run cold. He clenched his teeth, stared at the floor with grit and determination, happy to let his mind wonder where it would so long as it would not go back to the moment he was almost sure that Kira was dreaming of – the time Kira had killed Nicol, and the time he had tried...really tried...to kill Kira. Of course, he'd almost succeeded.

"Kira, I'm sorry..." Athrun whispered, voice hoarse, a first tear breaking the barrier at the corner of his eye. Kira probably couldn't hear him, he was so embroiled in his own dream, but Athrun had to say it – it was not something he'd had the courage to do yet, face to face. There was silence again for a minute or so. Kira was still tossing and turning from time to time, but no sound passed his lips, until...

"no...no...no, no, no, NO!"

That was the breaking point. Kira sat bolt upright, eyes wide in fear and panic, tears already rolling down his cheeks. Recovering from nearly having been thrown from the bed by the sudden movement, Athrun's natural reaction was to catch Kira in his arms as his friend, soaked in sweat and trembling, screamed silently into his shoulder.

"Kira! Kira calm down, it's ok it was...it was just a dream"

This seemed to be small consolation however as Kira continued to sob uncontrollably, face now buried in Athrun's chest. He was all but silent, but the force of each sob made his entire body jerk. Athrun for his part, completely at a loss for words and fighting back a similar reaction himself, simply held on tightly. He couldn't remember ever seeing such an outburst before. There were a couple of occasions where the grief might have matched; his father immediately after the Bloody Valentine tragedy, and...himself, on the island, with Cagalli, believing that he had just killed the one now shaking in his arms. Holding on was all he could do.

"I-I couldn't save her!" Kira cried, "just like the kid on the shuttle I...I couldn't save her..."

Athrun grimaced as Kira's clenched fist made contact with his chest, again, and again, but he could not reproach him.

"you can't save everyone" Athrun replied, quietly. This brought a fresh flood of tears from Kira, but the force of his grief seemed to be dissipating. Athrun felt Kira's fist again, but it was gentle this time, and soon flopped to the mattress as Kira lay limp in his arms, head still resting in the crook of his neck. They remained that way for several minutes more, in total silence, until Athrun felt all resistance and tension leave his friend's body. He must have cried himself back to sleep. Slowly, gently, lower his body back to the warm embrace of the mattress...

"I'm sorry..." Kira mumbled as Athrun lay his head down on the pillow, making him comfortable. It was incoherent though, and his eyes were shut. Dreaming again? Not awake anyhow. Athrun stood, picking up the bed sheets from the floor yet again, and placing them carefully over the now resting body of his friend. He paused for a moment, resting a hand on Kira's forehead.

"...So am I" he replied, quietly, before turning to leave. Torii alighted on his shoulder as he opened the door, but was met with no response. There was one last look back at the sleeping figure in the room, and then the door clicked shut.

"Toriii?"

"I don't know about you, but i could use that walk now..."

_End of Part 1_


	2. Chapter 2

**uPart 2/u**

What does the word dream mean? Forget the dictionary definition; what does 'dream' actually mean? What image comes to mind – one of peace, yes? One of harmony. A soft, hazy adventure with blurred lines and boundaries obscured by the blissful short-sightedness of the semi or unconscious mind. A pleasant experience one has the good fortune of retreating to once the day is done and the night comes. An escape.

What, then, of nightmares? One could be forgiven for opting for the easy description, rather than embarking upon an exploration as to what, exactly, a nightmare is. The easy description is, of course, that a nightmare is simply a bad dream, or the opposite of a dream as it is described above. But...is it, really? Perhaps the truth of the matter is that, whilst a dream is a blissful escape from reality, a nightmare simply is...reality. Perhaps a fear of what reality may bring, or has already brought to pass. Or perhaps it means different things to different people, and perhaps there are different types, or multiple definitions of the two that are all equally applicable. Who knows. The latter certainly provides a comfortable bracket of ambiguity. It would be sad if one spent his sleeping hours in terror of the past.

Kira Yamato slept afraid. Perhaps, if you'd seen all that he had seen, experienced what he had experienced, been through what he had been through, and at such a young age, you would too. More likely you'd not sleep much at all. Eyes and faces haunted him. Disembodied voices echoed through his head. Voices of his friends, far off, offering forlorn encouragement in melancholy tones that seemed as though they were carrying a great weight, and of course he had to take it. Others chastised him, insulted him, shunned him. Coordinator scum. And then there were the screams...the screams were the worst. Whether the nameless voices of soldiers who had fallen by his hand, fearful voices of friends in peril whom only he could save...Athrun's voice, and emerald eyes flashing remorse and anger, crying out as his friend – Nicol, his name was – was lost, and then in anger at the one who had taken him. At Kira. Agony, desperation and anger distorting the face he had known for such a long time...he was trapped; ensnared in the arms of the Aegis. Athrun wouldn't...Athrun would. All dissolved into fire, flames, and silent noise, and then... blackness.

Stars, in the blackness...space. There was a battle going on around him, but Kira's gaze was fixed ahead, at the shuttle in front of him. He could almost reach it, he had to reach it. He could see, or imagine, the innocent face of the little girl staring back at him from the window. The flower burned against his chest. It was so heavy...the controls were so heavy, and he was moving too slowly. But he could make it. He had to make it. Time stopped as the bolt of energy flew past him, tearing through the body of the shuttle that was still agonisingly close...but out of reach. The flower against his chest stopped burning. The girl's face gone; the light in her eyes lingering for a moment, before slowly, slowly, dying. The wreckage of the shuttle hung motionless, the deathly silence engulfing him, only to be shattered by a piercing, terrified scream. Flay!

"No...No...No, no, no, NO!"

And he had promised to protect her...strong arms around him, the scene disappearing, La Creuset's quiet, malevolent laugh echoing around and around his head, haunting him, until finally it had faded, and all that was left of the dream was the grief of it all as Kira sat, back stiff, violet eyes staring, being held and in turn holding on as though his life depended on it, sobbing into the chest of the one who had pulled him away. Athrun Zala.

A voice. Athrun's voice, though what it said he could not tell. It seemed blurred, far away somehow, but getting closer.

i_"...Was just a dream"/i_

Was he asleep? He couldn't tell. He could barely see, and lingering images of his nightmare floated before his eyes. Reality was a dark blur beyond. He couldn't see Athrun, but he could feel him. It was the only certainty he had.

"I-I couldn't save her!" he cried, hardly aware of himself. Was he awake? "Just like the kid on the shuttle I...I couldn't save her..." Flay's face swam before him. She was calling to him, though she made no sound. She was so scared, so frightened, and he'd promised... grief, it seems, has many levels. He was vaguely aware of his fist making contact with Athrun's chest, again, and then again. He had to get rid of the pain, the anguish; he had to get the images out of his head. A desperate attempt at release. He couldn't be sure any of this was real.

"You can't save everyone" Athrun said. The simple truth that he had never been able to accept. Coming from Athrun; his voice conveying just a hint of the sadness that had been eating Kira from the inside for so long. But the calm tone had an almost soporific effect. The aggression, the tension, the pent up frustration left him. His fist made contact once more with Athrun's chest, though he hardly had the energy to hold his arm up anymore. He slumped, head resting on the shoulder of his friend. They had done this before, though it seemed a lifetime ago. In truth, it could not have been more than a decade.

Darkness took him. The image of Flay faded. Still he sat; still he was held, and still he held on, head resting on Athrun's shoulder, eyes pressed shut. The last few tears soaked, along with the rest, into the material of his friends' shirt. He could just about see Athrun, just for a second, as his eyes opened a crack, only to close a few seconds later. The lids seemed to bear a great weight. He felt himself being lowered, and the mattress embracing him. Funny how it seemed so soft now...bed covers...

"I'm sorry" he said, or thought he said, as he drifted off. Sorry for what? He couldn't really tell...many things. He felt a warm hand, gentle on his forehead, bringing the comfort that only a warm hand gentle on the forehead can bring. Athrun's voice again, but it was so far off now, he couldn't make out the words...it was comforting...

...Sleep.

It seemed only minutes later that a hand shook him on the shoulder. Slowly, reluctantly, Kira came out of his deep slumber. Deep sleep was rare, but good. There were no dreams in deep sleep.

"Kira? Kira!"

He knew that voice. Ever the air of impatience, the voice of someone who was used to getting what she wanted, when she wanted it...and making a big fuss if she didn't.

"Huh... Cagalli?" he groaned, eyes still shut, hand still shaking his shoulder. He had a feeling the latter wouldn't end until the former was rectified.

"Kira, wake up!"

His eyes opened, expecting to be greeted to the harshness of the first light...but there was none, it was dark. Not completely dark; there was a light from somewhere; the hall light, presumably, through the open door. There was little time for further observation as Cagalli's face suddenly loomed into view. She looked tired and irritated. Not good.

"Ugh...what time is it?" Kira groaned, rubbing his eyes with one hand whilst attempting in vain with the other to prop himself up.

"I don't know, about five, I think" came the sharp reply. Five? Was she serious?

"...Five? Are you serious?"

"Kira just shut up and listen" Cagalli snapped, and there was something about her voice that suggested that her temperament was not solely to blame for the manner of the awakening.

"What is it, Cagalli?" Kira asked.

"Athrun's gone."

Athrun's gone. Where had Athrun gone? This early in the morning? Why?

"...gone?" was the only reply that came to mind. Kira was still struggling to awake fully; he must have been shattered.

"Yes, gone!" Cagalli answered, an air of frustration to her voice that conveyed more worry than she'd perhaps intended to let on...certainly less than she felt.

"Gone where? Why? I'm sure he's fine, Cagalli, he can look after himself..."

Was he fully convinced by this? Probably not. Athrun had changed a lot during their time apart; there was a lot that Kira was still learning about his old friend. They were both different people. Nevertheless, he could not shake from his head the nagging, doubting voice. Walks at this time, in this weather, in a strange city, were not a characteristic of someone at ease. Not the behaviour of someone of sound mind. Not the behaviour Kira had associated with Athrun...and because it was Athrun; because of who he was to Kira, and worryingly, who he might be to the people of Orb, it could not be allowed to lie. Patrick might be dead, but the surname Zala would live long in the memory of those who had been made to suffer as a result of the man's actions. Athrun was not his father, but...he had i_that/i_ name.

"If you can't convince yourself, Kira, don't try and convince me." Was the reply. Evidently his expression had given him away. "I'm worried about him... you've been having nightmares...well, he's not been sleeping." Cagalli continued. She was looking away; troubled. Kira would have asked how she knew of his nightmares, had she not continued before he was given the chance. "...and he's not been eating. Neither have you, for that matter and I've meant to have a go at both of you for it but...I haven't. Yet" There was a hint of a smile as she tagged the last word on the end. That was a comforting sight, but not a distraction.

"I do eat..." Kira replied quietly, resentment in his voice though in truth it was resentment of being accused, not resentment of the accusation...which was not entirely untrue. "And how do you know..."

"That you have nightmares? I hear you, Kira. That Athrun doesn't sleep? I hear him, too, walking around."

"...that means you're not asleep, either."

"This isn't about me!" Cagalli snapped, and Kira decided against offering any further interjections. "It can be hard to sleep when there's such a racket coming from the other side of the wall.

"...sorry..."

"Well...it's ok... I worry about you. Both of you. That keeps me awake."

A moments' silence followed, both involved with their own thoughts. Kira was sitting up now, and beginning to realise just how rough a night he must have had. The room was cold, prompting him to draw his legs up to his chest, and as he did so he felt the shirt, still damp, sticking to his back. The movement of his legs caused the bed sheet – that should have been covering the mattress - to drop to the floor. It must have taken quite some effort to unhook it at all four corners, and get it out from underneath his own body, whilst asleep.

"He came in last night, I think" Kira said after a while. Some people found peace in silence, but his own worries had long since found flaws with this one.

"I heard..." was the reply. "You were calling out...it sounded pretty bad."

"I don't really remember much of it" Kira lied, "to be honest, I don't really remember much about last night."

"I was going to come in to wake you myself, but...well, then I heard Athrun talking to you, so..."

"Well... Thanks for looking out for me, big sister" They exchanged smiles. This was still a relationship they were adjusting to. It was more a source of amusement than anything, for comments such as that which Kira had just made, or for bickering over who really was the eldest sibling. The amusement was, most probably, simply a means of avoiding dealing with any serious consequences of the revelation, whatever those consequences may be. A shock to the system perhaps, and nothing more?

"As I said, you woke me up." Cagalli replied, sharply, but there was a twinkle in her eye. "Seriously though, Kira, he was there for you last night..."

"I know..."

"So maybe now it's your turn to go and be there for him."

Should he? He wanted to, but Athrun had always been so...confined. An introvert. He had always sought to keep his feelings to himself – a private matter – as much as anything to save himself the discomforting experience of airing them in front of everyone, or anyone, else. How did Kira know this? Athrun had told him, years ago, and it was this last fact that told Kira he needed to go. Even the most introverted person could only store so much emotion, for so long, before needing to vent. Athrun had vented to Kira in the past, and Kira knew few, if anyone else, had been held in such confidence. What's more, Athrun had confessed to a habit of storing beyond his capacity. Again, common of introverts – store until you snap. If ever there was a time to be there for a friend, no matter how far apart they may have drifted, it was that moment. That snap.

"Do you know where he went?" Kira asked

"That's one of the reasons I didn't go after him myself. I'd hoped you'd have a better idea. You know him better than I do.

"Do I?"

"Don't be stupid, Kira. Of course you do! You're both so...stupidly alike. You're both stupid." Came the retort, and Kira couldn't help but chuckle. Cagalli for her part was very good at keeping a straight face. Probably because she meant what she said.

"Right, well, in that case I'll get changed and go...so if you don't mind..." He gestured toward the door.

"Yeah, do. You stink. It's cold outside, so take a coat." And with that, she was gone, leaving Kira staring at the door half in surprise, half in indignation. Still, there was no sense in delaying. He was awake now, already a little chilly, and the shirt was getting uncomfortable. He stood, the bed covers joining the sheets on the floor, and proceeded to rummage through the wardrobe for something warm to wear. It was all very well being a coordinator, but even the most thick-skinned person would fall foul of the bitter chill of a late November night...or morning, as it was now, though it didn't feel like it. Where was that thick coat...ah, there.

Cagalli was sitting in the kitchen, mulling over...everything. Thoughts, mostly, with a mug of hot liquid in her hands. Quite what the liquid was she couldn't tell. She'd never been much good at conjuring up beverages. In any case, she had a lot on her mind. She was, though she'd always do her best to hide it, out of habit, worried. Worried for Kira and his nightmares. Worried for Athrun and his lack of sleep. Worried for herself, for worrying so much...worried about Athrun, wondering the empty streets, alone, and worried about what Kira would find if...when he caught up with him. She remembered all too well the desperate chase through the interior of Genesis; the desperation as Athrun, intent on shaking her off, seemed to have succeeded. He had been looking to put himself in danger, then. Yes, in seeking to destroy the Genesis he was attempting to save hundreds, thousands, even hundreds of thousands of lives...and in the process, seeking to sacrifice his own?

A hand on her shoulder. "Don't worry, I'll find him." Kira said, giving her a warm, encouraging smile. How did he always manage to do that? He had so much on his mind, so many troubles of his own...but this was Kira. His troubles would come second.

"Please...we need each other. All of us. Maybe more than ever, now..." was she welling up? No, she wasn't welling up. "And Kira" she called out as he placed his hand on the door to leave.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks...and be careful."

Be careful? Of what? "Don't worry Cagalli, everything will be alright" he replied. Smile, wave, turn, leave.

Cagalli turned back to staring absentmindedly into the cup in her hands. "I hope so..." she said.

Kira pulled his collar together as he stepped outside. It really was bitterly cold. Frost on the ground and on the windows of the cars, the trees alongside the road standing stiff and motionless, black against the black sky. Above him the stars were shining. They were so clear and so bright... turning his attention back to the task at hand, he set off at a brisk pace, shoulders hunched and hands in his pockets, he lowered against the chill breeze. Would Athrun be Ok? Would he be ok, come to that? Well...there was time to worry about that later. Athrun first. He had a favour to repay, but even if he hadn't, he'd probably still be out here, searching. He needed his friend, and he suspected his friend needed him. A memory flashed into his mind as he walked; something he'd said to Athrun just before he had left to confront his father...

_i"It's not your time to die. You know that."/i_

Sometimes, people need reminding.

_*((A/N) Apologies for the delay in updating this story. Unfortunately I'm in a very demanding relationship...with my PS3, which takes up a lot of my time. That, and I'm just generally one of those impulsive types who can only write when the time is right. Eheh._

_Anyway, I hope this is enjoyable. It certainly is to write, though I have a feeling it might be a bit heavy for a casual reader...a bit depressing... but I felt that the series was disappointingly lacking in terms of emotional development, relationship development and character development, particularly in the second half. _

_Oh, Athrun's back, so everything must be fine. Ok...what about rebuilding the friendship? What about the tension, the trust; what about putting conflict behind them? No? Na, who cares. I dunno; maybe they do a bit more of it in Destiny? I'm led to believe that they do not...but I still need to watch it. Slightly concerned that it might ruin my love for this particular series. Who's this Shinn guy? It's Athrun and Kira for me. They've captured my imagination._

_Oh well, enough rambling. Soundtrack to this...take your pick. A lot of music from the Seed OST (mostly the sad stuff), bits of Snow Patrol, James Blunt, Coldplay – the fic was inspired (well, from a musical point of view) by Notbroken by the Goo Goo Dolls (you'll probably see why in the next part) and, later on, Deadman's Gun by Ashtar Command. Couple of beautiful songs there._

_Anyway, next up – part 3. Should be the final part.)*_


	3. Chapter 3

Afterphase: Binary Star System - part 3 - Redemption

Along the dark path, past the tree lined square. A thin dusting of snow of the ground now, through which a solitary trail of footprints could be seen, and followed. Alongside the river; calm water  
paying the price for its stillness - it would soon be frozen over, and only then would it realise what it was missing. Such is the way of the world. The railing alongside the embankment bore yet more evidence – as if the trail of footprints wasn't enough - that someone had passed here, not long before. This lone traveller must have run his – or her...but probably his – hand along, sweeping the snow from atop the iron structure. More had fallen since to replace it of course, but there was still a noticeable difference in thickness. Wouldn't envy him if he wasn't wearing gloves...yeah, better stop that now. The previous traveller hadn't stuck at it long, either.

More and more snow falling every minute. There was a definite 'crunch crunch' with every fall of foot to break the fine, crystalline blanket on the ground. The more snow that fell the less obvious the footprints to follow, though their owner appeared to have slowed his pace somewhat. These footsteps were more recent, and so had yet to be fully covered up... Why not place a foot in the mark left by he who had gone before, and pace with him, out of some childish...curiosity, was it? It wouldn't really help to get inside his head but... Funny how their strides remained so similar.

Everything was so still. Save for the snowflakes of course; meandering about in the sky with blissful abandon. They'd have to fall, some time... All too often on his nose and in his eyelashes; his long  
fringe offering little protection from the clinging flakes. It was a good job all he had to do was look at the floor and follow the prints; looking up was very...uncomfortable; violet eyes squinting through the whirl of flakes intent on attacking or clouding over the windows of the soul, it seemed. How poetic.

There, suddenly not so far away after all; a figure on the bridge crossing the river...no, not crossing the river, just standing on the centre of the bridge, leaning against the railings, looking out across  
the water...or so he assumed. The figure was little more than a silhouette, and in any case, seemed to be facing the other way. Still, there was only one person it could be...

"Athrun..." Kira whispered to himself before giving his eyes a reprieve from the buffeting, and looking back to the floor. Best brush the snow from your eyelashes, if you want to see where you're going and who you're going to meet... That's it.

Reaching the bridge Kira turned and looked up, but it was still impossible to see clearly who it was atop the walkway. He didn't really need to see, though. He was sure it was him. Slowly, Kira  
began to ascend the bridge himself, trying to organise his thoughts, to prepare a greeting. It was difficult, not knowing why Athrun was here, how he was feeling...what was wrong...because of course, Kira had to concede the fact that something was most probably wrong - it's why he  
was here, now. Why they were both here, now. The walk along the bridge seemed to take an age, and he found himself shivering. Understandable, given the cold, but it was more than that. He was afraid. Afraid of his friend? Afraid for his friend...both, maybe. He had to do it; he cared, too much to allow himself to turn around or stand back, twiddling his thumbs, hoping or assuming that Athrun would be alright. The former – hoping - was, of course, a given. The latter on the other hand was, worryingly, impossible. He cared...but how to care? Caring rarely seemed to simplify matters. Caring had rarely ended well for Kira. Well, it would this time. He could not go through again what he had been through in the cockpit of the Strike, and the Freedom. All those people he'd cared about...Sai, whom he had almost lost as a result of his own arrogance...well, Sai would no doubt make excuses for him now, but Kira would blame himself nonetheless. Tolle, one of his closest friends, whom he had failed to protect...and who, in turn, had died defending him.

He was close now. It was definitely Athrun, just standing there, leaning against the railings. He looked to be gazing out over the water but, beneath the long fringe of the shoulder-length hair, a thin film of snow adorning it, emerald eyes were shut. Surely not asleep?  
No. Athrun's eyes opened at the sound of the 'crunch' as Kira stepped closer. The former stood straight, releasing the railings, and turned to face the new arrival.

Silence, for what seemed like an eternity. The two stood on the bridge, a few yards apart, facing each other as the snow continued to whip around them, staring into each others' eyes. It was a tense moment, though there was a tangible regret in and of the tension. Torii broke cover from its perch behind Athrun and flew to Kira, chirping happily as ever, before wheeling up and away, into the sky that was now clouded over; from where the snowflakes fell. It was enough to compel Kira to step forward and break the silence. He'd never been good at absorbing or trapping his emotions. How to open this conversation? The plan had gone out of the window; it seemed futile, now, and...just wrong.

"Funny, this unscheduled weather. Takes a bit of getting used to" Weather in the PLANTs was, of course, on a programmed cycle... talk about the weather. Great one, Kira. What happened to that plan?

"hmm" was Athrun's reply. He wore a hint of a smile, but it seemed forced. He looked tired, drawn and pale in the light from the empty street beside them, and the small installations fitted to the side of the embankment, illuminating the water that was fast becoming ice. His eyes closed again for a few seconds...he really was tired.

Athrun turned and leant on the railings again as Kira came to stand next to him, doing the same. The two of them simply looked out along the river for a while, until yet again Athrun felt his eye lids begin to droop, and had to allow them some rest. Just for a few seconds.

"Cagalli's worried about you" Kira said, after a time.

"She worries too much" Athrun replied, eyes still closed, a slight frown showing on his brow.

"I'm worried about you"

The frown disappeared. Emerald eyes opened and Athrun glanced at Kira for a moment, trying to read...something. Kira, for his part, continued looking out over the water."...and you always have worried too much"

Now Kira turned, and their eyes locked. There was a tired smile on Athrun's face, met by a look of concern and barely expressed sympathy. "Athrun..."

"I'm fine, Kira. Really."

"You don't need to tell me. I knew before I came out, if I asked whether you were ok, you'd say you were fine." Athrun's eyebrow raised, just a little, as Kira...not quite chastised him. "You always say you're fine."

"Perhaps that's because I _am _fine?"

"Or perhaps it's because you don't want people to know that you're not?"

Silence, again, as Athrun looked away. He had come here to be at peace; left to himself and his thoughts, not be lectured by...by... "You're not one to give lectures on feeling fine, Kira." He said, just a trace of bitterness in his tone. The short silence that followed had him wondering whether that tone had, in fact, been fair.

"...you're right" Kira replied, eventually, taking Athrun a little by surprise. "I'm sorry. I'm not here to lecture you, it's just...Athrun, something _is _wrong. There's no use denying it" he said, as Athrun opened his mouth to object, "I...please, don't deny it. Whatever the reason; you don't need to lie to me, Athrun. We're in the same boat, now. In a way, we always have been.".

How to reply to this? Despite himself, Athrun couldn't help feel...something. Something not altogether pleasant. Something cold, towards Kira at this moment, and it was overpowering the guilt he felt of the same. "Well why don't we both just keep up the pretence, and then we really will be in the same boat" he said, and if there had been just a trace of bitterness before, it had grown considerably now.

"Athrun..."

"I DON'T..." he stopped. Kira was looking at him now, and those violet eyes were shimmering as he fought to stem a growing tide. Was fatigue an excuse for pitiless ignorance, or carelessness? "I...I'm sorry. I just...don't want to talk about it, ok?"

"Ok" came the reply. Quiet, with a timid smile, and Athrun had to look away, face flushed with the guilt that was now fighting back against the bitterness. "Would you like me to leave?"

"huh?"

"Well I came to...if you'd like me to—"

"No, it's ok...stay. I...I guess I could use the company."

Kira, who had been torn between asking, and simply leaving of his own accord, breathed a small sigh of relief. He'd not wanted to leave, but at the same time, perhaps it would have been best. Perhaps now was too soon to play the confiding ear of old, once again?

"When you dream" Athrun said, breaking him out of his thoughts, "what...what do you dream of?"

Kira's turn to look away, feeling uncomfortable. Those pools in his eyes, which he had fought so hard to get rid of the last time, were threatening to come back with a vengeance. "I...a lot. Everything."

"You...you called my name. You said _'Athrun, no!' _Was I...was it..."

"I think it was...look, don't worry about it Athrun. It was just a dream."

They were facing each other now. "Just a dream?"

"Yeah"

"and, if I asked you again, and this time, we weren't in the same boat?"

"Athrun?"

"If I asked you again, and you weren't being hypocritical, what would you say?"

"I see what you mean" Kira replied, "and you're right. I shouldn't pretend if I've asked you...I just wanted to help, Athrun."

Athrun did not reply in words, he merely grunted, and looked away.

"In truth" Kira continued – both were now looking out over the water again, as the snow continued to fall – "In truth, when I called your name...I think it was the Aegis. You...you heard, then?"

No reply. Silence, for a while.

"Do you ever think" Athrun said, "Do you ever wonder what it would have been like if neither of us had survived that? Or at the escape from Orb, or in the battle against Genesis? Or if I'd died, and you'd lived? For a long time...I thought _you _were dead"

"...how long has it been since you slept, Athrun?"

"Don't change the subject" Athrun turned away from the water again, to glare at his companion. Kira, for his part, was reluctant to return the gaze. "What would it have been like, do you think?"

Finally, Kira turned to face his old friend...was it friend, now, or still adversary? Or perhaps something in between. "You're going to tell me" he said, voice as stern as he could make it, "that you think it would have been easier, aren't you".

Athrun scowled, but did not speak. He did not deny it.

"If we'd both died in Orb, or at Yachim Due...I don't know, Athrun, but your father was going to fire the Genesis again, until you stopped him."

"...I didn't stop him" Athrun replied, quietly. "He...He made his own end, really."

"But you stopped the Genesis. You save hundreds of thousands of people, Athrun."

He scowled again, and looked away briefly, eyes glistening. Kira felt sorry for him, but how could he...how would that help?

"Cagalli told me what you did" Kira continued. Athrun closed his eyes. "She told me you tried to shake her off, when you flew into the Genesis."

"It was dangerous. I didn't want her following-"

"You asked me" Kira interrupted, "what it would have been like if you'd died when you...when the Aegis blew up. What happened if you'd have died then? Or if you'd not reached the ship as we left Orb, or when you went to see your father, or at Yachim Due...when you went to see your father, Athrun, do you remember what I said to you?"

The reply sounded something like a growl.

"I told you it wasn't your time to die...do you know why I said that?"

"Because you have this damned ability to always know exactly what's going to happen in the future? Because you always have direction? I don't know, Kira, tell me. Why did you say that? To make me feel better?"

"I..."

"You're good with words, Kira. You've always been able to talk to people; to...to get into their heads. Maybe you just told me what I wanted to hear; what would make me most useful in that moment? Just like you could always tell me exactly what I didn't want to hear, to make me question..." Athrun broke off. He found himself shaking, but not from the cold. This anger felt wrong, but at the same time...

"...you think I'm that cold?" Kira asked, and now he appeared genuinely hurt. Athrun again felt his face burning, but this time he did not look away.

"I don't know...I don't really know you anymore, Kira. Since you turned up in the cockpit of the Strike, I..."

"I said what I said, Athrun, because if you had gone to the PLANTs, and been killed doing something reckless...I'd be lost"

This seemed to throw both of them. It certainly threw Athrun, who felt the anger that had been fuelling him suddenly disappear, if only for the moment. "Kira..."

"Would it have been easier, for you, if you'd died? I don't know. For me, if you'd died...impossible. You were always there, Athrun. With me or against me, you were always there. When I fought you, it drove me on because I had to believe it would end, one day, and we'd be able to..." there was no stopping the banks from breaking this time. Kira had never been good at hiding emotion and now, as a single tear escaped, he found himself regretting that he'd been the one to break whilst Athrun, the one he'd come to help, was still locked away. "to be normal people again" he continued, resolutely, "to be friends again"

Again, Athrun looked away. Something about the sight of Kira, trying and failing to bottle everything up, seemed to be loosening something in him. He would not break...

"and then, when you were finally with me again, it was...us."

And now they were both blushing. This was not a conversation either of them had envisaged having; certainly not for a long time yet. "You...you're the better pilot, Athrun, the better strategist; it was only because we had you that we had a chance of accomplishing what we needed to do. I couldn't have done it on my own, and if you'd died...well, I couldn't have done anything."

Athrun, unable to think of a reply to this frank admission, merely grunted, and looked away. Silence fell again.

"The hardest battle is to keep living" he said, after a while.

"Athrun?"

"It's something Cagalli said to me, when she rescued me from the Genesis. I'd...I was going..." his voice cracked. Kira took a step nearer; he wanted to do something to help, but...what? He stopped. Athrun took a deep breath, and started anew. "Who am I, Kira?"

"You're...you're Athrun—"

"Athrun Zala, of the special forces. Athrun Zala, soldier of ZAFT" Athrun interrupted, and the bitterness was back, though it wasn't directed at Kira, this time. He gave a rueful smile. "What's the point of soldiers, in peacetime? When my father died...that was it, Kira. All I had left was _soldier of ZAFT _and now that's gone...I'm nobody..."

"That's not true, Athrun—"

"Isn't it? Athrun Zala? A name I can't even speak in this country for fear of being attacked? What's the point. Why risk it, now, when that name has nothing to it. No meaning."

"Athrun, please..."

Silence, again. Kira's eyes pleaded, Athrun's turned away. All around them the snow was still falling and above the clouds were dark and heavy. Somewhere up there, above the clouds, Torii was flying but down below, there was no such freedom.

"I can't stay here, as Athrun, Kira".

"I...I understand, but—"

"I thought about going back to the PLANTs, but...still...Athrun Zala, soldier of ZAFT...wouldn't have a place there, and..." what he wanted to say, but perhaps didn't realise himself yet, fully, was that leaving Kira and Cagalli behind again, so soon, was not something he could bring himself to face. He opened his mouth, trying to say..."and I...I wouldn't want...I don't want to leave" finally. Kira, listening, nodded. He understood, at least in part, what Athrun was trying to say.

"It's odd but...I grew up there, but since...since..."

Finally, there and then, the dam broke. Athrun sank to his knees as the tears began to fall. There had been no warning, and it took Kira a second or two to realise what was going on, but as soon as he had he was on his knees too, ignoring the chill and the dampness from the snow on the ground and...he hesitated...before putting an arm around Athrun's shoulder. Athrun almost pulled away; it was his natural instinct, but his movement was too small to throw Kira off, and in any case, his friend would not allow himself to be deterred so easily. Kira knew what few words of comfort he could offer would be of no use, now, and so he provided the shoulder to cry on, as Athrun had for him earlier, and before, so many years ago.

"I-I've lost everything I ever had there" Athrun cried, fists clenched and shoulders hunched, shaking as he tried to stop himself from sobbing openly. "Nicol, my dad, my...my...I miss her so much, Kira" and there, control left him. One arm around the shoulder became two, as Kira tried his best to comfort his friend. Athrun's whole body was heaving now, though he made little sound. Kira felt the wet of tears against his neck as Athrun sobbed into him, and felt the sting in his own eyes as the emotion of the moment enveloped them. They had both been through so much. Too much.

How long they sat there, Kira didn't know. Few words passed between them, they simply knelt, Athrun with his face pressed against Kira's collar, holding on and, in turn, being held, body shaking; it could not have been far short of an hour. The snow had stopped falling and, above them, gaps were starting to appear in the clouds. Occasionally the green bird could be seen, dipping low to skim the frozen water, before soaring high up again into the night sky. It went unseen, however. Even after the scene below had calmed, Athrun's eyes remained shut. In truth, it was probably sheer exhaustion that had forced him to stop. Whether he was sleeping, or simply resting his eyes, it was impossible to tell. Kira, head resting lightly against that of his friend, had his eyes shut, too.

It was a beautiful moment, cruelly shattered by a loud bang, followed by the hiss of sparks through the cold air. It was followed by another, and then another. Had either been fully aware of their surroundings, the reaction would doubtless have been much quicker however by the third bang the moment was gone. Kira was still kneeling, looking around for the source of the explosion but Athrun, exhausted, and yet still remembering his training, had leapt near two feet away and was now crouching, cat-like, ready to spring to cover.

"Fireworks" Kira said, getting to his feet. Over the trees to the side of the river, another rocket leapt into the sky, bursting into a blossom of colour. Kira looked back to Athrun, and found him still crouching, but with his head hung and his eyes shut, breathing heavily. His shoulders were trembling with the effort of keeping himself upright and, as Kira watched, he let the stance slip, one knee now touching the ground again. Kira sighed; there was a lot of damage, clearly. It would not be mended in a hurry. He closed the distance again, taking off the thick coat he had been wearing, and draping it over Athrun's shoulders, before gently pulling him up by the arm.

"How long has it been since you slept?" He asked, wondering if perhaps, this time, he'd get an answer.

"I don't need this; you'll get cold" was the reply. Selflessness was a lesson learned, and learned well, it seemed.

"I'll be fine. You need it more" Kira said, making sure the coat would not slide off. "We should probably head back. Can you—"

"I'm tired Kira, but I can still walk" Athrun replied, scornfully. Kira really did worry too much. That said, his legs did feel a little shaky under him...

"Here..." Kira placed an arm around Athrun's frame, offering support. Athrun was always fine; even when he wasn't. Slowly, they began walking back the way they had come, down from the bridge and along the river bank. Torii kept them company, flying above them before landing briefly, hopping from one shoulder to another, and then taking off again.

"You know Cagalli is planning a meeting with the new PLANT chairman, Gilbert Durandal, soon?" Athrun asked. They had been walking for a while, saying nothing. Nothing really needed to be said.

This sudden revelation caught Kira a little off guard "Err—I...no? When did she tell you this?"

"She...didn't" Athrun replied, awkwardly. The sheepish look on his face told Kira that, whatever Athrun Zala might say about there being nothing to that name anymore, the old habits of its keeper were dying hard, so to speak. "She left a couple of files on her desk, and..."

"Oh...right...you accidentally took a look?"

"Something like that" Athrun smiled, wearily.

"Well, that's her job now, I guess. That, and looking after us. I hear Lacus has almost finished settling the kids into the house...it's got all of the _necessary _facilities. Apparently it's really nice..." Kira stopped talking when he saw the look of discomfort on Athrun's face. He was fairly sure he knew what the issue was...it was one he had been grappling with himself, for some time.

"I'm...not sure I can just sit, by the beach, doing nothing Kira" Athrun said, quietly.

"No" Kira replied, "Well...for now at least...I need time to think, so perhaps it'll be a good thing".

"I'll be going with Cagalli to visit the chairman" Athrun said, suddenly. Another surprise revelation.

"Athrun?"

"...no, not Athrun" came the reply. Kira looked at him, confused. "I said earlier that Athrun Zala has no place anymore and...well, I meant it."

"Athrun..."

"I'll be going with Cagalli to visit the chairman, as her bodyguard and as...Alex Dino"

"Alex Dino?"

"I've almost finished the necessary paperwork; it should stand up to inspection. I just need someone to bear witness" Athrun stepped away, and turned to face Kira on the path. "I know what you think about this, but it's something I think I have to do, and...I believe you'll support me. You are the Kira I know?"

Kira looked away for a moment, troubled, but...this was what Athrun wanted. "If it's really what you want" he said, but did not return Athrun's smile straight away. "I...don't agree with it, and I don't think pretending to be someone else will help the real you find the answers you want, but...I'll be your witness"

"Thanks, Kira" Athrun replied, quietly.

"I don't know an Alex Dino" Kira said, "but I do know an Athrun Zala, and even if you think that name is empty now, it means something to me so...don't forget it. There will always be a place for Athrun Zala, in the house by the beach, in Cagalli's ridiculous mansion...here" blushing, he touched his own chest, "and here" he place a hand on Athrun's before poking him and turning away, smiling.

"I'm grateful, Kira...but that doesn't mean I'm going to let you get soppy" Athrun replied, also smiling.

They walked the rest of the way back, side by side, in silence. One of the virtues of winter was long nights and late mornings, and it was still dark by the time they returned. Cagalli had dragged herself off to bed some time ago, but the light in the entrance was still on as Kira and Athrun entered the luxurious house. Spotting an empty cup – presumably one that Cagalli had left lying around during the night – Athrun made to pick it up. The remaining contents consisted of nothing but a thick, strong smelling, black goo.

"You might be her boy—bodyguard" Kira whispered, "but don't _ever _let her make you coffee."

"I think you might be right" Athrun replied. He set the cup down, and the two made their way towards the bedrooms, quietly.

They stopped outside Kira's bedroom door, and there was an awkward silence. Neither knew what to say to the other, and yet, there was so much that could be said.

"Do you think this will last?" Kira asked, finally.

"This?"

"This. Peace. I wish... I wish we could leave war behind. I hope we have."

"Kira..."

A chirp from Torii as the bird alighted on Kira's shoulder. Kira stroked it affectionately, turned back to Athrun, and smiled. "Thanks, for being with me earlier" he said.

Athrun closed his eyes, and smiled back. It felt good to smile, properly. "Thank _you_ Kira" was his quiet, but sincere, reply. "Good night". And, with that, he turned on his heel and made his way, wearily, to the door of his room. Something made him look back as he reached it, and he saw Kira, still leaning in the doorway. Their eyes met, and a look passed between them.

"We will find the answers, Athrun" Kira said.

Athrun smiled, and nodded. "I hope so" he replied

Tomorrow would be just another day, as would the day after, and the day after that. Would the night's affairs be enough to wipe away the trace of conflict between them, and the scars it had left? Time would tell, and time would be hard. They would retreat back into their destructive patterns as the search for answers yielded no rewards. Athrun would grow restless; he would have to leave and Kira, Kira would retreat into a shell for days on end, sitting silently on the veranda overlooking the sea and not even Lacus would be able to tempt him out of it. It would take another war for the answers to be revealed; more conflict, more loss, more grief, remorse and destruction but perhaps, finally, one day...one day there would be peace, in peacetime, for Kira, and Athrun.

Next time; Gundam Seed: Destiny.


End file.
